He was everything to me, but I was nothing to him

circles

2007-12-15T01:38:00.000+08:00

it's happening too fast.

i just received the letter regarding subject combinations to take in jc today. *bawls* i'm so not ready for jc life yet!

***************************

for you from me :: jon mclaughlin

Unexpected, understatement of the year
That's for sure
Who'd have thought that I'd be standing
At your door
It's just the way you say my name that throws me
All the windows of my past are closing

CHORUS:
Everything you see
Is for you from me
I give it away so easily
Never stop to look at what's behind us
For you from me
Everything we want will be holding us
Together tonight, tonight

Unexpected, I'm not used to chasing dreams and catching them
All of the sudden I'm the winner in the end
I'm used to every door I open closing
Always making sure I'm not supposing
I can't believe I'm really here

CHORUS

We will never fall
We'll defy the laws of this world
With new ones of our own
That's the way I feel
Stupid but for real all that I am

*****************

goodness, his piano skills. he doesnt even need a seat in the first place. see here to know why.

so in love with him especially since he's the guy crooning soulfully while robert and giselle were dancing in the middle of the dance floor in enchanted.

****************

finally attended one meeting officially. it seems like a simple matter would somehow end up being blown up and complicated through an adult's eyes.

and i thought we were the complex ones. i mean, with the overactive hormones and stuff.

this chapter is over.

SHUCKS!

2007-12-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

DARN IT! im the only one in jlc who's going njc. everyone else is going ajc.

and so im going to face the hideous monster alone.

******************************

i have this nagging feeling that i'll get kicked out of njc for JAE and everyone else will get in.

tomorrow.

2007-07-21T13:35:00.000+08:00

only one day left to the actual performance.

only one day left to remember everything and keep it inside my heart.

only one day left before i wake up from this dream.

4 more days.

2007-07-18T00:02:00.000+08:00

thoroughly enjoyed myself in school today!

cherlene had started a whole series of imitating the likes of MAKINO with her cutesy fighting pose , hanazawa rui with his book. then she got to mimicking what our teachers usually did. her ms chiang imitation looked nothing like the real thing but hilarious all the same. the mr hisham one left us in stitches. we couldnt stop giggling~!

then yihfang and all started their own imitation. her version of ms chiang really resembled what she'd usually do. especially the 'flipping her hair aside' part. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

will our lil prank get discovered tomorrow? hopefully so. ^^

mischief managed.

Forget me not

2007-07-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

Forget me not, I ask of you
Wherever your life takes you to
And if we never meet again
Think of me every now and then

We had just one day to recall
Now all I want is something more
Than just a fading memory
Left wondering what could have been.

Isn't it a shame, that when timing's all wrong
You're doing what you never meant to,
There's always something that prevents you.
Well I believe in fate, it had to happen this way
But it always leaves me wondering whether...
In another life we'd be together.
We should feel lucky we can say... we've always got yesterday

And as I leave it all behind
You're still emblazoned in my mind
And for that very special day
Nobody loved me in that way

Forget me not, I ask of you
Wherever your life takes you to
And if we never meet again
Think of me every now and then

this is the last time.

2007-07-16T18:41:00.000+08:00

i highly doubt anyone will enjoy the taste of being treated like an idiot. yet there are people who do that. i bet those farts haven't experienced it for themselves. YET.

********

if you really had a tinge of decorum (?) within you, you would have returned me my stuff the moment you saw it wasnt yours. that's basic manners. was there any need for you to keep it within your possession until that moment you deemed fit to give it back?

********

happy 15th birthday to wylin! ^^

and as i leave it all behind,
you're still emblazoned in my mind.

procrastinate.

2007-07-14T20:25:00.000+08:00

AHHHHH!

im not making much headway at all with EVERYTHING!

goodness im going to faint.

now all i want is something more
than just a fading memory,
left wondering what could have been.

swan song

2007-07-13T17:53:00.001+08:00

was late today but the punishment wasnt as worse as i thought. weird, i usually sleep later than the time i slept last night and still i was tardy. bahhs.

i only stayed up last night to listen to dreamz fm perform on 'music is in the air'. always was enchanted by their songs. sighs i doubt they'll be performing ever again. they're an extremely talented bunch you know. i absolutely love how they managed to reach those high notes without cracking their voices. its flawless i tell you. ^^

above is one of their songs but wasnt performed on the show. :(

off to dinner.

find a guy who would stay awake,
just to watch you fall asleep.

paper houses and fallen angels.

2007-07-11T17:55:00.000+08:00

YEAH! physics test was postponed to next Wednesday. you can imagine how relieved i was after hearing it. after sacrificing my sleep for mugging, i didn't even have the energy to think.

and finally we presented the puzzle to iris as her birthday present. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! after days of vexing over the pieces and being overwhelmed with guilt, it was completed at long last! ^^ i'm not sure about the others but id definitely think twice should we consider buying and fixing a 1000 piece puzzle for someone as a birthday present.

the girls played floorball for pe lesson. all i remember doing was swinging the stick wildly in the general direction of the ball and not really hitting it since there would be half a dozen of sticks and legs in the way. and also shuji and akira and i were singing and dancing to 'seishun amigo' whenever we got the chance. however, we were interrupted by the incoming ball and the horde of girls that followed close behind every so often.

then the group of us were crooning to the tune 勇气 by Fish Leong in high pitch after pe. man, we were all using falsetto la. totally gross.

cme lesson was used for making up for the sleep i sacrificed to burn midnight oil. xinyi and i found the weather extremely conducive for sleeping and that the type of textbook we use as a 'pillow' really makes a difference. i suppose it was because of the different texture of the pages. ohwells anything but the cold hard table i guess.

i think i must be wishing on someone else's star because it seems someone else is always getting what i wish for.
:(

we could be beautiful.

2007-07-09T20:28:00.000+08:00

and im positive no one wishes to know how was my report presentation. let's just say xinyi and i were extremely obvious in our constant cue-ing for each other's lines. BAHH.

thank goodness we dont have much assignments due tomorrow. at this moment, i feel extremely guilty. we'd better complete everything as soon as possible.

missing someone gets easier everyday,
because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other,
it is one day closer to the next time you will see each other.

dancing on the table top.

2007-07-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

i was kinda out of sorts at jifeng practice perhaps due to lack to sleep. just couldnt get myself to perk up even though he was present. ohwells, i hope i'll have better luck pertaining to THAT next week.

**********

its was the ultimate celebration~!

though i was tardy, i made it in time for the games. GOSH fabulous man. we (iris, xinyi, kaylee, weini, cherlene, vivien, caijun, kaiwei and grace and me!) sprinted like madwomen down the path along the houses for no reason at all. once we stopped, we stepped out from there to the pathway along the canal which im positive bpians are extremely familiar with after the 'road run'. everything there appeared completely different without the usual sunlight. ~~i suppose it felt like in hp4 when the death eaters wrecked havoc at the quidditch cup and harry and company were weaving through the burning tents.~~ (okay, it sounds so wrong).

the 10 of us then stood in a line facing the canal and began flinging our stones (mind you, they're not pebbles) into the canal after announcing our wishes in order. majority of us wished for to be able to be admitted into respectable JCs, some wished for better luck in our love lives. guess what i wished? LOLS

the disturbing thing was that after some of us made our wishes, there were actually replies of ' HAO3!' from voices belonging to guys. we presumed they were from the nearby schools since we heard them cheering soon after. i swear i was creeped out by that.

after that we kept to the playground for our subsequent activities. i.e. animal concentration. then there were the attempts to squeeze us all into a slide that backfired and the successful tries of weini and kaylee to catch the rings with their feet whilst they were hanging from another pair of rings on the opposite side. YAY~!

took loads of photos and we gave up waiting for siying and judith to arrive. we returned to iris' house for the steamboat dinner and the mahjong playing. siying and judith eventually reached there. we broke into two separate shifts for the dinner and the mahjong playing so everyone was occupied.

then we gathered together to serenade iris with our birthday song singing. and the usual stuff of blowing out the candles and making wishes. tasted the black forest cake and kaylee's bluebry cheesecake. i absolutely love hers without a doubt.

ohyes. then there was the water! we went out and got ourselves all drenched to the skin. got sabotaged by iris and all and got the whole bucket of water poured all over me. sponge didnt get wet and i tried to change that fact but to no avail.

kaiwei and kaylee and bob left for home with their respective 'chauffeurs'. then the rest of us scoured up and down for things that were completely out of place in iris' room. our finds included a paper skirt in the closet and a diaper amongst all the sanitary pads. LOLS.

we then grooved to songs in the dark. hmm. make that iris and siying. xinyi, judith and i were more or less drained out and watched them both strut their stuff.

we got a lift from iris' mother to separate destinations. TUVM~

squarepants signing off!

if my aladdin were here, he'd grant me all my wishes just by being here.

2007-07-07T03:17:00.000+08:00

its the wee hours in the morning and yet sleep eludes me.

guess its all the excitement i've bubbling inside of me. tomorrow is going to be a long FABULOUS day. ^^

ugly emotions.

2007-07-03T15:37:00.000+08:00

i've had enough of it.

just stop criticizing something when you cant have it. no one actually asked for your opinion in the first place. dont ever let me catch you changing your mind once you have it in your grasp.

**********

its time-taxing i know. but i love every second of it.

lead me out on the moonlit floor

2007-07-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

i loathe this feeling of helplessness! ARGH!

you're in everyone i see.
so tell me, do you see me?

swing me upon its hanging tire

2007-06-30T22:43:00.000+08:00

another jifeng practice.

im so freaking sick to my back teeth of my pitch that always chooses to go haywire at the wrong moment! today was definitely not my day.

and they want me to audition after my exams. shall pretend i did when i return after my olvls. lalalala. then there's also something about solo-ing at the community centre march next year. ive been avoiding the 观摩会 for years now and i definitely dont plan to change it in the near future. how can i do so when i feel that im not up to the mark right now?

****************

however, all it does is to make me regret even more after knowing that he's so much better than i initially thought he was...

and that i've to let it all slip through my fingers.

i'm heavily broken,
and there's nothing i can do.

music and lyrics.

2007-06-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

Fergie :: Big Girls Don't Cry

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da

hit the books.

2007-06-28T18:23:00.000+08:00

throughout the june holidays, our lives were hectic but im certain that despite the ISP, amaths remedial, each and everyone of us had enjoyed every moment of it (besides the hw of course). im sure mine was.

and yet, prelims are around the corner. SIGHS. there's even some sort of a countdown going on at the moment. 46 days? that's too fast for me.

for the previous batch, the september hols was used for mugging but for us, we'll most likely while the time away waiting for our prelim results. such an irony.

and sooner than we can say 'SHOOT ME', olvls hit us right in the face. the sands of time go on.

***********

sometimes its alarming how little time we've left. think, maybe that time you wasted procrastinating could have been put to good use. for example, like finishing one amaths paper, or catch up on some revision.

then you (okay, me) lose your focus and freak out. blah blah blah more time is wasted.

.
.
.

ARGH. forget it i shall just concentrate on my physics test tomorrow, then the amaths assignment as well as the english comprehension. ohwells, let's just get some swotting done.

*********

as if i bloody well give a damn.

miss you more.

2007-06-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

such uncivilized behaviour reminds of those neanderthals in the prehistoric times. and i thought they were bad enough.

*******

wow it was a complete jifeng domination of the exco at bbssco.

shyna - secretary
wylin - sectional leader
mingjie - sectional leader
meirong - VICE CHAIRMAN (or woman)
wangqing - concert master
yutong - quater master (instruments)

so overjoyed for them. at least they were better off than me. gosh, who wants to be working without recognition? ohwells, at least ive a better fate at jifeng.

***************

im still indecisive over whether i shd take up on the offer to perform for the opera for the accompaniment. its too near too my prelims for my comfort and its the week straight after our july concert.

***************

i havent cleared all my hw. shall spend this weekend doing so since im feeling immensely guilty for not having completed those hw our teachers spent so much effort in having them printed for us.

You came and changed the ending,
Changed it to save my fate.

first day.

2007-06-25T20:21:00.000+08:00

first day of school.

i've not an inkling what exactly happened today. i guess i was too sleepy to notice.

honestly, if i werent so fatigued and exhausted, i wld have enjoyed today's lessons immensely. and i ended up dozing off in the middle of mr shen's lesson. darnnn. i suppose that's what happens when one had only slept for 2 hours the night before. if only i didnt have that habit of tossing and turning in my bed and getting restless just before the first day of school.

*************

5 more days.

i know it's wrong, yet it feels so right.

and when he walks, all the wind blows and the angels sing.

its not the words. its the action.

2007-06-23T21:20:00.000+08:00

mr ng's wedding ceremony at the church was oh-so-sweeeeet. and i can only dream of having one at the church since im not of the religion.

after the wedding, cherlene, vivien, grace, kaylee, iris, xinyi and i went to J8 to take neoprints and we stopped at mac for a bite. ended up spending alot of time chatting instead of eating and i completely enjoyed every minute of it. and im officially a member of the money gang. call me 60 cents. LALA~

and six is BYAKUYA and RENJI's team in Bleach. my goodness i cant believe my luck. XD

***************

there was DNA workshop at science centre today. met the money gang at the mac in the science centre for breakfast. somewhat, it seemed to be worth the sleep i lost in order to meet up before the workshop.

the workshop caused me to be nearly stifled due to boredom. the waterworks was MUCH better. we got drenched to the skin but despite the discomfort it brought, im certain the fun we had pretty much overides that. XD

then was jifeng. it completely wore me out. it appears that quite a handful of ppl were getting sick. hopefully im not next. i dont wanna skip next practice!!!

just a piece of rock.

music camp concert.

2007-06-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

im freakin exhausted and barely managing to keep my eyes open at this instant. however, i feel somewhat satisfied after today's flow of events.

we ended amaths remedial early and thank goodness for that. my threee hours of sleep werent exactly helping much in keeping me wide-awake. after that, kaylee, iris, xinyi and i went to far east to just walk ard. took neoprints but got extremely fedup with the machine - the camera was blurry, the backdrop was mediocre and the decorations were absolutely tasteless. sheeesh.

then we looked around the shops and we found one which was selling lolita and gothic clothing. totally adored the boots but its highly unlikely that there'd be a chance of using it in s'pore and its price wasnt cheap in the least. sighs and it wld really make me look so much taller.

left for home after that and rushed to meet wylin for the music camp performance. bumped into ms kong on the lrt and she shared alot of information about the speech day performance at vch and how the sec4s are involved. what a bummer! im definitely not looking forward to that.

bought flowers for the gals and we took the mrt to meet ivan and all, after which we went in for the performance.

screamed our lungs out for yutong and shyna. OUR PROS!! XD the performance was on par with syco's but there were certain parts like the tenor section's and the suona's pitch that could have been better.

after the performance, ivan, wylin, shyna, weihong and i left for lunch at the bukit timah area. the taxi fare was like o.O and we didn have enough money. =< thank goodness the uncle was understanding enough. im sooooo guilty and i still owe weihong and wylin money. AHHHH!!! shall pay off the debts as soon as i see them.

dinner was fabulous. was in stitches more than half the time. guess when you're with ppl like ivan all, you really get infected by the atmosphere and become bonkers yourself. ^^

left for home after that and here i am now, extremely fatigued but satisfied.

and i cant wait for tml ! mr ng's wedding~~~~~~!

be still, my heart.

Hanazakari no Kimitachi e

2007-06-17T13:57:00.000+08:00

OMG~!

maki horikita aka nobuta aka ME is starring in the japanese version of hanakimi as the female lead! YEAHHHH. the unfortunate thing is that oguri shun aka hanazawa RUI is the male lead and he's current hairstyle is horrendous. then the guy who acted as Oribe Junpei in HYDII in the 1st episode is actually the other main character.

nobuta returns~!

ikuta toma~!

zomg. he looks so blur.

acks he reveals his real face!

and he's a model!

tada~ his new hairstyle reminds me of some guy in kinki kids. hmmm.

and last but not least, we have oguri shun from HYD.

and make the fireflies dance

2007-06-16T21:46:00.000+08:00

today's jifeng practice. barely scrapped through the dazu sessions. i get so nervy when we have to play one by one, then shortly after which my pitch will go completely haywire. now i swear i'll practice the pieces diligently.

but i totally enjoyed those moments when we had break and dinner. wonder how i'll survive without jifeng when im preparing for my prelims and olvls. sigh. however, i'll save those sentimental talk for later.

who can believe that one of them is actually 20 years old? okay for your info, he's the one at the most left. be comforted girls, there are actually guys who arent tall. =X the other two are only secondary 2. the youngest in the entire orchestra currently.
(ivan, jiaxuan, fangqi - from left) they all look so gay together.

ohwells. there's 5 practices to go. and i'll still see them for the shen2 zhuan1 chang1 concert. YES. our dear shen laoshi is soloing!

**********

and please dont make jibes or insensitive remarks about my mother's figure. you may not have bad intentions but can you put yourself in my shoes and spare a thought for my feelings? its my mother you're talking about, not just anyone else. if anyone says something like that again, i'd really feel like punching my fist through your teeth or whacking your arse. you SHOULD NOT make such disrespectful comments in my face or to anyone else in the first place.

i thought you all were more mature than that.

and the wheels on the bus go round and round.

2007-06-15T19:30:00.000+08:00

it appears that those bus rides i am taking have never been so fascinating like now. i remember there was a prissy girl from river valley (pri?) who shortly after arriving received some call from her mother. and she complained 'the bloody bus take so long to arrive' . what is exactly her definition of 'long' anyway? when her bus arrived, (coincidentally/unluckily mine too), she was commanding her maid who was as meek as a mouse with instructions on some matter. on board the bus, she was listening to her mp3 and i made a guess that she was some spoiled brat from some rich family. and true enough i was right. she later alighted at a stop where the only sign of civilisation were the rows of bungalows that were 3 storeys high.

then there was the dead dragonfly episode. do their bodies looks dull yellow in colour usually or only when they're decomposing?　hmmmmm.

********

had gone out for lunch with xinyi, kaylee, iris and weini and after which walked around lot 1. it seems like barbie dolls has lost their lustre and appeal since we were kids. and 'the cheaper they are, the better they look' - xinyi. yea i second that. those princesses like cinderella and sleeping beauty look so hideous and unsightly. now i so adore my rapunzel doll la but sadly, it ended up in the rubbish chute a long time ago. the sole survivor is the jenny doll. and its the only one with brushable hair; the others' hair were frizzy and bushy, especially the rapunzel one (hair grow so long also no use. ). they could certainly compete with hermione's hair and win i tell you.

and i could go on raving about them for hours but i digress.

there was this stuff i heard ppl conferring about how barbie dolls are too perfect and flawless. maybe this is what led to their current state. who knows?

but seriously, i'd rather pay for those who look better.

时间洗刷所有的不愉快

'time washes away the pain and heals the wound.
it removes the sting and soothes the heart.'
that's what they said.

pirates of the carribbean

2007-06-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

watched pirates successfully with kaylee, xinyi and iris after my 4th attempt. though i was blown away by orlando bloom and jack sparrow and their charisma, the backstabbing and perfidies became so common that it almost brainwashed me into thinking that it was normal. no one in the movie appeared to be much affected by it.

didn have much success with finding the perfect clothes because i wld look peculiar in the dress due to my short haircut. T.T at this moment, maybe rapunzel might want to lend me some of her golden locks. hahahas.

on the bus home from plaza singapura, i was standing in between two lovebirds who kept exchanging besotted gazes with each other over my head numerous times until i was sick to the back teeth. they only lacked the giggling like tittering fools part. no offence, i've no problem with couples but at that moment i felt like i was one humongous berlin wall.

then there was this guy in front who i reckon wanted to bob his head to the music in his mp3 player but ended up tilting his chin upwards repeatedly at random speeds. and there was one uncle who i reckon you can call 'chigopek' who wore those formal shirts with a pair of shorts that uncannily resembled boxers. he had rested his leg against the seat infront of him and his knee was just THAT close to touching his chin. the only empty seat in the entire packed bus was occupied by his miniature bag. GRRRR. furthermore, somebody kept knocking into me from behind. at least it was a girl.

grouchy i suppose.

man, i dont want to organize an outing la. so bothersome. people just back out of it in the eleventh hour.

and im not talking about you, you and you. so just cease before you do something to blow it up again.

fallen spirit

2007-06-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

fatigued, but content.

there's my uncle's wedding today. didn have much to say just that its odd to see everyone together for the occassion since we rarely do. i hardly recognize my other cousins. everyone's changed so much. hmmmmmm.

they tried to coerce me into playing a piece for them. over my dead body can. i absolutely hate how my mother tried to forcibly push me back. im 16 years old okay and im not that child that you can push around w/o consideration for their emotions. and she always thinks that the money-less way is the best method. if you expect me to be able to play in front of an audience, stop spewing all those nonsense about how im better off w/o those erhu lessons when you just want to not spend 'unnecessary money'.

jifeng practice was fabulous. i dont really remember if we did sit together and have dinner with just us xianyue teens before. we should do it more often and i'll giggle myself to death. i got my uniform but its too large for my liking. maybe the shoulder pads should be removed. its makes me look like ive no neck like a tortoise. hahahas. and we're gonna find a day when everyone is free to patronize the wallet shop as well as shop for cosmetics.
im curious as to know why he grovelled on his knees and begged for mercy to my chums and behaved as though he's all that in front of me and indirectly blaming me for him having to make an apology? the debasing makes me feel sick to my stomach. i absolutely LOATHE it when people like him put on airs and make such condescending comments to bring people down in order to make them feel great about themselves. evidently, he doesnt know it. all those words and saliva were all wasted on him and it left me incensed for the rest of the night.

hairday.

2007-06-07T19:42:00.000+08:00

shyna, wylin and i went to some stylist in farrer park to have our hair cut. the service was above average and the haircut was too. after that disastrous haircut last time, anything is better. well, its definitely worth the money in my opinion. just that it slipped out of my mind to buy the hair cream he used on my hair. bahhs. shall ask if i patronize again next time. ohwells, i should just make do with whatever styling cream i can find should i find one.

had to leave early after lunch with them at pastamania in plaza singapore. the mocha freeze was superb and the baked rice delectable. love it~~.

next time, im definitely going to purchase those lil items ive been itching to get my hands on.

**********

i suppose i require some time until i can get accustomed to having physics tuition since its so much different from lessons in school. ohwells, im moving towards to attain my goal of an a1 for physics!

contradictions and ironies.
paradoxes and oxymoron.

jumbles and crumbles.

2007-06-06T20:29:00.002+08:00

i kept thinking that tomorrow's saturday. man, it sure got me into a frenzy. i suppose the ISP had muddled up my mind. time moves so slowly.

tomorrow's, hopefully, going be a great day.

im fed up to the back teeth of it.

jasmine adores her fellow princesses.

*********************

interested in keat hong co's concert?

Date/Time 日期/时间Date 日期:
22nd July 2007 二零零七年七月二十二日

Time 时间: 1700 hrs

Venue 地点：
Victoria Concert Hall 维多利亚音乐厅

Tickets prices are selling $15/$13

A public performance to showcase the wonderful performance of the best HuQin soloists in the orchestra.

and if you need a reason to go, well, it can help to broaden your perspective of chinese orchestral music. especially since such concerts that focus on huqins are held once in a blue moon in singapore. last but not least, you can see ME!　ＸＤ

The concert features the different types of "HuQins", such as, GaoHu, ErHu, ZhongHu, ZhuiHu, JingHu, BanHu and Jing ErHu. Do some instruments sound new to you? I've never heard of them before until this concert. We have our soloists such as mr chin, the instructor for the xianyue section of bpco and many more. AND BISHIES TOO. ^^

if you're interested in attending, please inform me and i'll make arrangements.

Come and hear for yourselves the true sound of KHCO!

the babbling and the snitching.

syco concert afterthoughts.

2007-06-03T02:12:00.000+08:00

today's concert was superb and surpasseses the ajco concert last week. the performers had the stance. the zhonghu guys fared rather well in the looks department, which was an added plus. but then, it seemed that every other guy was as well since they were so skillful with their instruments and focused in their playing. this quality alone sets them apart from their peers in my opinion.

shen2 and zeyuan had performed too in this concert with the sco. and zeyuan was hilarious; he appeared as though he had no idea why he was on the stage. those shifty eyes. LOLS. and its been quite a while since i saw shen2 perform on stage. the money was completely worth it.

just that people should bring forward the concerts so that they'd end earlier. returning home around 12 midnight isnt exactly what we had in mind.

syco concert

2007-06-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

technically, today wylin, shyna and i are going to watch the syco concert. since some pieces will be performed together with the sco, it should be worth the money. and we'll have valid reason to leave jifeng early as some would have to leave to attend the concert as performers or audience. ive never had the opportunity to watch the sco perform live so im thrilled! and i definitely wont let that matter spoil my mood for the night.

'when you durst do it, then you were a man; and to be more than what you were, you would be so much more the man. ' - lady macbeth

on the offensive

2007-05-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

its contradicting to say that one finds the idea of disparaging other people utterly repulsive through blogs whilst doing so publicly on one's blog. i mean, just admit the fact that you're doing so. its not as though you're so high up on a pedestal as you think you are. you only placed yourself up there.

then there's this dude. how thick-headed can guys like him get? its not as if the idiom 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' crap works on everyone. and dont give us that 'words are just words and they mean nothing unless you want them to' nonsense as well. she's not a wonderwall. words dont just bounce off us like a squash ball. what you might consider to be as minor as a golf ball may be a bowling ball for us. ask yourself this question: does she even deserve such blunt treatment?

ohmygoodness, im spewing words that dont make sense.

then this other guy whose skin is soooooooo thick, i cant even tell where the skin ends and the brain starts. or maybe there isnt any. okay, you committed a major mistake and you apologized. so be it. we dont need to see all those redundant parts where you attempt to provide reasons for the blunder. it just makes everything a whole lot more worse.

and its really all talk and no action. you proved me right, that's for sure. big surprise here. dont say you weren't cautioned beforehand but if it persists, you're going to lose all credibility and standing. i dont believe that you actually dont give a hoot about this huge muck.

its the butterfly effect i guess. from one minor event, it snowballs and escalates into a full-scale war of words. its already spun out of control and isnt within anyone's hands. that's what you get for not taking appropriate actions before its too late.

to describe the retaliation, 'mutual defence' seems to be more fitting. you peeve one of us, you get the whole lot of us to deal with. lets see how you get yourselves out of such a sticky situation. at this moment it really 'sucks to be you'.

tact is soooo last century.

dance of the seven veils.

2007-05-29T23:53:00.001+08:00

im positive that i wasnt involved directly in the matter that w blown up recently. the whirlwind of events that occurred subsequently had taken me by storm and boy, was i surprised.

all the drama gets my adrenaline pumping.

***********

with reference to the show 'nobuta wo produce', shuji had mentioned that even if one had done nothing against his conscience, when no one believes a single word he says, the situation will still remain bleak.

that was where nobuta and akira came in and placed in shuji their utmost trust, having faith in shuji when no one did. eventually, they helped shuji to his feet and to pull himself tgt.

a similar incident happened in hana yori dango when tsukushi had been framed by her vicious classmates and accused of sleeping with some guy. the hope in her eyes when she called for domyouji to believe that shes innocent and that she doesnt give a hoot what anyone thought, as long as he believed her... okay i know thats alil too indepth.

at that moment, i realised the importance of having friends whom you can always rely on to even when everything else goes against you.

dont get what im saying? go catch either shows!

and we had the last word.

violent objection

2007-05-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

the ajco concert was not bad; they've only had 2 weeks of practice from what ive heard. there was junhao's solo which i think was quite... cant find the words to describe.

had gone shopping and had some icecream with wylin before meeting shyna and fubi and heading for the concert. then we walked the long way around the school to the entrance. T.T no wonder it took so long. ohwells, as fubi said, it just proves how large their campus was. however, the state of the condition it was in.. well i can say it rivals that of our current new (old) campus.

after the concert, the whole horde of us went to bukit timah for supper. the taxi journey was horrendous for shyna and company.

supper wasnt exactly fantastic because of somebody but ohwells. fubi had left earlier soon after arriving and im certain we all know the reason why. after we left to take a bus home, shyna and i ended taking the last bus because we had waited at the wrong bus stop. ARGH. >.< sorry shyna!

today's practice was better than last week since we didn practice ganlanshu. muahahaha. i was peeved at the fact that my uniform wasnt ready yet and i absolutely am going to pester mr ong or get someone to do so until it is. there is no way that im gonna wear those leftovers. URGH. firstly, those were made from different measurements from mine and because. shyna knows the reason behind vehement objection.

*******

gonna go trim my hair soon with wylin and shyna. and this time i'll make sure they are not chopped off by the inch. and the syco concert, anyone? and POCIII!!!!!!!!!!!

is this destiny?

prelims august

2007-05-21T18:04:00.000+08:00

fatigued. lethargic. stressed.

our prelims are starting in august after national day! there is this primal urge inside me that yearns to make the person who imposed this die the 'death of a thousand cuts'.

so this denotes that i will really have to buck up. work hard on my sciences and maths ... EVERYTHING LA! as well as enjoy the last few moments before the pressure sets in. in saying this, i refer to the july concert. i hope to make a pleasant memory of it so that id be able to find it in me to slog my guts out without lamenting that i didnt enjoy those last little moments. im definitely not going to let that get in the way of us making merry. only then will i feel like its worth it to continue my experience with jifeng for the next few years.

chikushoo! baka mitai.

aho.

- those are from a jap website that offers translation for japanese slang so now i can spew expletives the japanese way. XD

my feelings towards this matter are inviolable.

failure

2007-05-20T18:02:00.000+08:00

remind me again why initially i had abhorred intensely the thought of going for jifeng practices initially.

i dont have the right to shed a single tear.

2nd practice.

2007-05-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

today was another one of the jifeng practices. met up with shyna earlier for lunch and arrived at the pe centre with loads of time to spare.

since we were bored stiff, we decided to call fangqi but he didnt pick up. he rang up shyna moments later and we whiled away bits of our time by asking him about where he was at (if my memory doesnt fail me, it was about 3 times) and stuff like that.

then muddled fubi had mixed up the venue for her erhu lesson and had to rush to mr chin's hse shortly after arriving. poor fubi!

we had orchestra practice at about 3+ . the songs werent half as horrendous as ganlanshu. oh how i loathe that song! but thats another story altogether.

my stomachache got the better of me, so i didnt leave for break. oh the pain! mr chin broke bad news regarding the opera. i sincerely pray that there isnt a need for us to participate in the live accompaniment should there be one. the july concert is already taxing enough. theres absolutely no need for another straining burden like that to further add on to the strain. BREAKING PT!

ohyea. THEY were present. couldnt stand the sight of them. or HIM to be precise. apparate or just disappear from the face of earth? it doesnt matter which, but please!

practice lasted until 9+ which was one of the firsts ever since music camp. at least i enjoyed it which is the main factor for my preference towards jifeng.

tomorrow is the recording of the soundtrack for the opera. i think it'll turn out into another one of those kh practice since theres so much of the familiar faces. for eg. tingzien, mr chin etc so hopefully, i wont feel excluded like usual. hear that?

to ask about every single detail just makes us ~~nuances~~ nuisances. XD - leadership course.

career talk

2007-05-17T17:21:00.000+08:00

today's the career talks. was looking forward to that but the location and the extreme humidity got to us. plus, we had spent 5+ hours on our butts in the hall. its little wonder majority of us got restless and gave up attempting to appear engrossed and riveted by the speakers. dentistry and journalism had arrested my attention. and journalism was more or less due to the speaker. (*^_^*) ~ hehe

im going on to my amaths later. still yet to complete the paper.

without you, i can kid myself
that my idea of perfect love is not a fairytale.

wah/

2007-05-16T21:40:00.000+08:00

thank you very much id rather not talk about my results here. T.T

there was photo-taking today in the middle of going through physics paper. evidently i wasnt exactly in the mood to smile for the camera. moreover, smiling too long caused my cheeks to start trembling. AHH! its bound to be dreadful. adored the harry potter photo though. AHAHS.

ohyeas. macbeth play is changed to wednesday which meant that i could attend ajco's concert on friday! HURRAY! i cant seem to recall when was the last one i attended.

ive been included in for the recording for the soundtrack. ohwells. lets just see how i HUN4 that day. besides, ive no idea what is the speed la. will ask around tomorrow.

hollowness

2007-05-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

as if everything's gonna be the same again.

theres still that void that cant be filled, which seems to grow every time i attempt to fill it up.

you can feel the air start to change
when you're walkin' out in the rain

exams!

2007-05-15T20:01:00.000+08:00

today was lit paper 2, amaths, history & ss as well as biology. as expected, i failed my amaths again. e8 la. i am going to redo the amaths paper laterr.

lit paper 2 was not bad. at least i had exceeded my expectations with my kind of grades. history and ss was abysmal not only for me, but for the entire level. it appears that merely 10 ppl got A for both subjects.

biology was ATROCIOUS. my mcq alone had 11 mistakes, breaking my previous record by many more.

above was approximately how i did for all my subjects. doesnt look rather cheery does it?

****
headed out to westmall for dinner with xinyi and kaylee after the co meeting. i bumped into xueli there who had been at her friend's house baking cookies. spent approximately an hour there gobbling down our food. we were all THAT hungry, or was it only me?

bored, we did a number of lame tricks with our food and cups. if you could have seen us! LOLS.

Journey to the Past

2007-05-14T18:11:00.000+08:00

Aaliyah :: Journey to the Past

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how a road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...to the past

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong
Well, starting here, my life begins
Starting now, I'm learning fast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...to the past

Heart don't fail me now!
Courage don't desert me!

Home, Love, Family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, Love, Family
I will never be complete
Until I find you...

One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home...
At last!
At last!
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
yea...

her only desire

2007-05-13T17:11:00.000+08:00

to take my mind off some matters, im gonna make a trip downtown to purchase this book that ive been waiting for so long. hopefully it'll bring me joy that overrides the disappointment from getting my results. besides, its been eons since ive sat down with a book other than my textbooks.

It feels like an eternal haze
But it's only a faze

all.

2007-05-12T20:03:00.000+08:00

SHEESH! i cant be bothered anymore with this. exhibitionism, smihbitionism. lets just hope these are the last words i will offer on the topic itself.

let feathers fly.

exhibitionism

2007-05-12T18:49:00.000+08:00

it's all just rubbish. they present themselves as the wrongly maligned before anyone does. there's this chinese idiom, '恶人先告状' that is extremely fitting for this situation. moreover, isnt that just pot calling the kettle black?

at least i took the night to calm down, thus im not as ireful and infuriated as i was the previous night. trust me, i was absolutely livid then. nothing anyone said came through the haze of rage that enveloped me.

second chances arent something easily given on a whim; when you want, wherever you want. it demands a certain level of contribution and devotion before one's efforts are recognized and a second chance is granted. we need to see it with our eyes before we are able to credit you all for that. besides, how many years' worth of chances did you all have? ive already known all of you since eons ago and im positive that its more than adequate.

change is easier said than done, of that im sure. furthermore, to make a change, mindsets must be changed. can you all?

if not, just stay dispassionate and make no noise about it. dont make any empty promises. so far, we've only had exhibitionistic behaviour which sorely reminds me of the phrase, 'a leopard never changes its spots'.

she's right. they cant just look to ppl for advice who barely have an idea of what one's character is. furthermore, by rejecting our supposed accusations as being unfounded, its like a futile attempt to escape from reality and rejecting the truth when the mind already accepts it in its truest form. then it just comes out as a mealy attempt to garner sympathy votes.

all it boils down is whether one has the courage to face one's mistakes. if they've got the guts, just accept it. dont come up with those drivel and vindication.

besides, by using my words to achieve your goals is utterly despicable and contemptible.

and i wonder who it was that struck back. its not me this time, surprisingly.

************

went jifeng today. finally saw those in our gang like SHYNA, WYLIN and YUTONG. it was interesting enough. i heard alot more tidbits as well as more showdowns. sometimes i wish they werent here to stay, but its not something within our control.

its a wonder how we are undergoing the same trials and tribulations as well. maybe im undergoing twice as much, now that im involved. perhaps its something that binds us all tgt.

however, i feel that there's a need to see the big picture and think deeper. maybe they're not worth it, but its also not worth it for us to waste all these ire and antagonism on them. i say we cool down but not make amends since we've made no error on our parts. nonchalance may be the best solution for now. be disapassionate and insouciant.

she's dead.

2007-05-12T03:27:00.000+08:00

Slipped Away

I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad

I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

[Chorus]
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found
It won't be the same
Oh

Na na
Na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't ooooooooooooh
I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back

unlearn

2007-05-11T17:57:00.000+08:00

received our papers today. it was utterly disheartening to see not a single a1 for our english in our class. furthermore, i believed that id fare okay for my english, but it was not to be. there's chem too. in spite of what kind of good grades i get, they will still be dragged down by my ca1. oh why did i even get this notion into my head to oppose her by not swotting for those lil assessments?

ohyes, whilst going through the english papers and the marker's report,we found a particular someone's name in it who was said to have 'gone off the tangent' for her composition. LOLS. that was the only ticklish thing that occurred during the going through of papers that lifted our spirits.

xinyi and i went to orchard to accompany iris look for her mother's day gift. we paid a visit to those stores in dbs galleria selling those branded goods. wows. a wallet can easily cost you 800 bucks. there was one salesperson who completely ignored us when we went into one shop and instead, paid her attention to an adult customer. then there was a group of salespersons who just firmly said 'no drinks allowed' when we just stepped into the shop. SHEESH! i felt a tad bit out of place there, but ohwells. its merely once in a VERY blue moon do i get the chance to patronise places with those shops. the experience was enjoyable and i had fun with them. and thanks to iris for those little cakes! :)

and the guy in the lv shop was absolutely bishie! sadly, i didnt get a chance to see him up close. AHH my oestrogen and progesterone and luteinising hormones are raging.

ohyeas. gonna go kh tml. i succumbed to the temptation to see my friends. miss them sooo much!

***********

ARGH!! i am so livid, fuming, mad, irate, infuriated, upset, beside myself, hopping mad and whatever noun to describe rage.

ying-ying st clair lives on.

gibe=jibe

2007-05-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

it's all over.

though they didnt give us a chance to catch our breath. we're getting our english and chem papers tml. and i was looking forward to a slack friday in the first place.

ohwells. finally a friday when we dont need to go CO. please dont change that for the moment. i've no mood to go about practising the songs when we have to receive our papers.

and vivien drew a sketch. a very interesting one. it effortlessly brings the message across with the same effect as a jibe.

and FYI, i use those vocab in my entries because i dont want everyone to understand exactly what is happening right away. few ppl do go look up the meaning of those words anyway.

3:7 or 1:2 : that's the question.

end of exams.

2007-05-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the last day of exams and only us sec fours are left. it's a normal school day for the rest of the school. how unfair for us to start our exams earlier than them and to end later as well.

ohwells. there's still emaths paper one and chemistry paper one. at least we dont need to utilize as much brain cells now. ive apparently exhausted them all from all the memorizing and the lack of sleep. sheesh two hours of sleep everyday. its little wonder im going bonkers. its to the extent that the very mention of her name cant irk me and incite me to fly into a rage anymore.

maybe im gonna skip practice this weekend. since its the week after the performance, i highly doubt many will be present this saturday. however, i really need to master the songs soon so i can spend more time on my revision for prelims. the concert's in july for goodness' sakes and prelims are not far behind.

somehow, i dont feel the relief i used to whenever the exams end.

the burden gets heavier.
it exerts an anticlockwise moment to topple me. gosh, physics is getting to me.

game?

2007-04-24T19:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder.
whether it is appropriate for it to stay as such a clear reflection of one's thoughts.
whether my judgement is correct.
whether i should cast it all aside.

it's time to take a gamble.

gripe.

2007-04-23T14:41:00.000+08:00

it's not worth it.

skin

2007-04-21T18:47:00.000+08:00

Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

Sara Beth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well, since the day that she fell
And the bruise just won't go away

So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad
And flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with the smile stands in the door
And says will you please come with me

Sara Beth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white, something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten, it won't come back again
With the therapy we're gonna try
It's just been approved, it's the strongest there is
And I think that we caught it in time
And Sara Beth closes her eyes.

Chorus:
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

Sara Beth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake for someone to take
A bald headed girl to the prom

For just this morning, right here on her pillow
Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny
And Sara Beth closes her eyes

Chorus:
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

Bridge
It's quarter to seven, that boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had all been
Softly she touches just skin

And they go dancing, around and around
Without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared

2007-04-20T19:50:00.000+08:00

the oral examination was utterly horrendous. and to think they let a new teacher assess us for our prelims! she kept cutting me off whilst i was describing the events for picture discussion. she had even asked me a question which i had already touched on while describing. was she even paying attention? shucks, i'm so gonna flunk my orals. and for once, i supposed it would be fine while i was mentally going through the picture discussion and what i would discuss. it was so freakin easy, but she interrupted me halfway. my train of thoughts was completely halted and my mind was blank when she asked some questions to prompt me. from that moment onwards, all the fillers and the singlish came spewing out of my mouth.

my future just got a bit dimmer.

************

browsed through the archives of blog entries just now. made me realise that ive come a long way. on the road of life, i've gained some, lost some. however, it was the loss of the child-like innocence and optimism i once possessed that struck me the most. i suppose in the world, its impossible to remain untainted and preserve that quality of naiveness within oneself.

***********

i gather the truth's all out now. someone let the cat out of the bag and all of us already has an extremely clear idea of who is that 'someone'. ohwells, planA was carried out successfully. there was absolutely no doubt that she didnt eavesdrop like she always do. she's the ideal example of a whited sepulcher, only the degree of the evilness is definitely much less.

***********

is there not a seat in the entire classroom? why does she have to insist on standing up throughout? i know the answer's evident: she's one attention-seeking wench. dont pretend like you are so friendly and familiar with everyone. since you're aware of our antipathy towards you, you should keep your distance from us. dont put up some pretense that we can see right through. it's clear that we find whatever you do repulsive. whatever you do now will earn nothing but our detestation.

conniving wretch.

**********

whilst waiting for our orals to commence, vivien and i wasted 5 hours in our classroom slacking. vivien couldnt stop singing songs. too bad there wasnt a switch. just kidding. it was enjoyable, to say the least.

and bpian and vivien really rhymes. wahahahs.

*********

focus!

in english class, mr ng tells me to use english. in chinese class, mr shen tells me to keep quiet. =X

'stop acting cute,'
teachers are not blind.

intransigence

2007-04-17T19:27:00.000+08:00

these outbursts of mine occurs every now and then in the past. however, it appears i cant contain control this impulses as well as i could now.

and it's all thanks to you.

you just drop the bomb on me and walk away, indifferent. do you have any bloody idea you dont just break the news last minute? we require some time to make arrangements as well as preparations. and you had to tell me at the eleventh hour.

you just push me around whenever and wherever you deem fit. you think you're ruling this world? you think im a ball to be kicked around? i'll prove you wrong.

that stinct you pulled on monday proved how incapable of shouldering responsibility. for once in school, i flared up after you just walked away. you really do test my patience.

you're all talk no action. i wonder if the constant complaining and yammering ever wears you out or that your mouth ever requires oil to lubricate those hinges of yours. you grumble and whine, without actually taking any action. i vividly recall that time when you wasted so much time with that faked helpless expression on your face, oohing and ahhing at that cardboard box of scores in the storeroom. SAVE IT! who did you think would come to your rescue? prince charming? since you were evidently in the way, and i got aggravated by that powerlessvulnerablefeeble mask you were donning, i volunteered to help and carried that box away. defenseless maidens arent the best thing to be at that point of time, with someone who detests you to her core and a teacher who is the only male present. perhaps i shouldnt have rendered my help and counted mentally how long it would take to move the box. it would have made a pretty good tidbit for everyone. i wonder if that idiom 'making a mountain out of a molehill' makes any sense to her.

try reflecting or contemplating more instead of just spewing out mouthfuls of nonsensical trash. perhaps you might discover the presence of intelligent thoughts that doesnt infuriate the hell out of every girl for once.

the time people are devoting to work, you are whiling it all away to lead someone on or to trifle with some other member of the opposite sex. you'll use your womanly (really?) wiles to wrap him around your little finger. EEW

every now and then, you're tasked with a job.when completed, you'll appear drenched in perspiration, panting heavily, like you accomplished a most insurmountable task. most of the time, though not insignificant, but its definitely unlike what you make them to be. an ordinary task becomes remarkable when its in your hands.

furthermore, you yap about it non-stop, especially in class early in the morning and no one can find a moment of peace. moreover, your topic of interest never changes. your moaning and whining aggravates us. my pals, too are peeved by this over-dramatic attempt to attract attention. give us a break!

****************

what you treat the others, you get in return. treating someone as though they're invisible makes them feel like crap. perhaps you find satisfaction in that. but do you know that wind, likewise is invisible and yet it can be one of the most powerful and fear-inspiring forces. hurricanes, tornados, typhoons, twisters. now no one dares to incur their wrath onto themselves do they?

dont belittle anyone's existence, no matter how insignificant they may appear to be. you never know what you're provoking until you feel the effects of its fury. and it'll be too late to regret when the time comes.

*************

couples?
nah. just two people who came together because of their common interest.

a conscience? i gave up looking for one in you.

erhuerhu

2007-04-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

went to kh today. however, there wasnt any dazu for us at all. instead, there was this celebration of those born in april. ya, rite. we just brought tgt a couple of random ppl and shyna was one of them. and they bought it all. LOLS. had fun kope-ing the chocolate bits from ppl's slices of cake.

found out that fangqi's practice piece was exactly the same as mine and his playing speed is damn swift. the only comfort i have is that he had started practising since january. and i officially practised it in march. he still has the cheek to ask me 'which song can you pwn me?' AHHHH! he was like you'd better practise leh. aww the embarrassment.

just kidding la. i was so guilt-ridden about the fact that i didn practise at all. fangqi was rubbing it in my face by playing it every time i practised that piece. ARGH!! im defeated by a sec2. nevermind, at least im keeping my erhu in tip-top condtion. his is already totally covered with the rosin and dust that has mixed to become some form of wax. EEW.

fangqi is quite knowledgeable and he does share some tips regarding stuff to erhu. just that it feels a tad weird when he speaks in english to me about it. then there's the fact that im being enlightened by him, who is younger than me. T.T guess i have alot more to learn.

i learnt to play that huayin thing he had taught me. im still awkward with it, but no matter. i'll refine it when the time comes. meanwhile, i can count on him to help. wahahas.

went out with shyna twice to photocopy some practice pieces at cckcc. yutong was with us when we made the second trip. she wouldnt tell us where she was at before she came here. she's really tight-lipped about it. what exactly did she do that warrants such secrecy?

and i gained a disciple today. though i spent majority of the time laughing at the way jiada was playing. ohman, the comical way he held it, its no wonder his hand got cramps la. wylin, him and me kept switching our erhus around to try them out. fangqi's sound is quite superb. its very loud and clear after 4 years. it's totally worth the money la. mine i think is worth lesser now because of the discolouring ard the words engraved on my erhu. almost everyone i told not to touch that area because the colour would come off and stain their fingers turned deaf ears to my plea. now it has one line in the middle that's paler than the rest because SOMEONE ran his finger down from the very top. damn that person. dont let me find out. GRRRR

brutal

2007-04-13T18:54:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just dont get it.

why does gravity exist? all it ever does is to just pull us down when we are about to spread our wings and soar.

*******

im back to square one again. everything that occured was within my expectations and yet it wasnt. all i know is that i want to gain my independence as soon as possible. then, my freedom would not be in the hands of a tyrant, hers to crush and manipulate.

im sick to death by it all. why cant anyone give me a break? suddenly i have an impulse to spew out every single vulgarity from my vocabulary but being a civilised person, i can curb that urge.

unlike someone who is uncultured and has the blood of a barbarian flowing in her veins.

the glass shoe doesn't fit.

role reversal

2007-04-11T18:45:00.000+08:00

no physics remedial today. mr hisham had to help out with the SPA. and finding ms chiang was the last thing on our minds. after today, who even wants to? maybe those few, but that hardly counts because the majority always wins.

went out to eat with xinyi at longjohn at bpp. wahahahs. im not giving hoot about my phlemish-cough. eew, can they just dissolve on their own? this is one of the times when i hate my asthma. bleahs.

***********

according to ms grace chong, guys are stimulated by sight whereas girls are stimulated by touch. i find it spot-on really. however, its a reversal of roles for her and him. when guys are in sight, she is immediately attracted to them like metals to magnets. for him, he feels bliss when the girl touches him.

guess whose name popped into my head when the speaker mentioned about girls who throw themselves at guys?

************

and blabber all you want. it's not as though im unaware of your character. 4 years in the same class. time is the key to uncovering one's character. and you always chose to backstab us in order for you to curry favour and escape scotfree. WRETCH! im sick and tired of your constant complaints and yammering. if you're dissatisfied, DO SOMETHING! stop trying to find confidantes in the both of us. you'll fail terribly.

one thing's for sure though. you're really succeeding in grating on my nerves. please cease before i lose grip.

let me introduce myself.
your morality

buffet

2007-04-10T18:56:00.000+08:00

today was the co buffet. vivien and i were totally exhilarated at the thought of it and she kept counting down the hours to the buffet itself. LOLS.

then at the buffet they give us some bad news - we're not graduating just yet. BUMMER. and i was looking forward to the free tuesday and friday afternoons we'd have. i think for us, its only fridays, so its not as horrendous as it sounds.

there was talk of the megaconcert. i hope i get to participate, either through khco or bpco. likelihood of the school letting us attend that is extremely small though. we're secfours already, its high time to let the juniors have the opportunity to take their rightful places.

and i cant stand those three girls tailling and stalking him like obsessed fangirls. EEW. he's not a hot catch ok? go re-evaluate your tastes. pft. 3 onto 1. is his prowess that great? (pun intended) *rolls eyes*

tomorrow is physics remedial finally, after chem remedials that never appear to end. mr hisham, please save us from failing physics!

please let us appeal through. GOLD.

*******

when is this drama serial ever gonna have its finale? everyday, we faithfully watch the drama unfold and yet we are not rewarded with anything in return. can we see some climax or a dilemma? each episode dont differ much from one another and its getting on my nerves that we dont seem to see any progress. excuse me, where is the director?

now you know what quality of entertainment we have to make do with daily?

but seriously, if she wasnt like that, we wouldnt be acting like we're just watching a show would we?

come to your senses! stop living in that little world of yours and deluding yourself that you're indeed well-liked amongst us. that's zero chance that you'd be still kept in the dark from the hideous truth that lies in our hearts.

we reply, but unwillingly.
we help, but are insincere.
we smile, but our eyes dont shine.
we laugh, but not with you.

wasnt meant to rhyme anyway. its just something i wrote anyhow.

a laughingstock.

zhonghu

2007-04-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

finally i can access the net. there's always something wrong with my internet connection. GRRRR.

happy birthday to vivien! hope you'll adore the present kaylee and i got you. YOU'D BETTER. muahahas.

just had a chat with my junior. there's still alot more things for them to buck up on. though im proud of the fact that the strongest player is in zhonghu. however, its definitely not credit for me to take. ZHONGHU players must JIAYOU! although its sound is not as striking as gaohu, nor is the music we play the melody most of the time, we are the ones who paves the foundation for them, along with the bass and cello. we give the songs texture and cen2ci4. im certain youve encountered people loathe its sound of the zhonghu and treat it with distaste. perhaps you yourselves may share the same sentiments as them. BUT, it is a sound that grows on you and sooner than you realize, you discover that you're addicted.

anyways, that's what i feel now. the melodious music it produces isnt something you can find anywhere else. and people who can appreciate its quality is even scarcer. sighs, you guys must treasure and cherish the experiences from bp zhonghu.

bahhs. sounded like a turncoat. im a gaohuian and yet my heart is with zhonghu. im with bpco but it appears as if im more bonded with the bbco ppl. life is a paradox.

actually, its not as grave as it appears la. bpco shall always hold a place in my heart. :) its more the gaohu-zhonghu thing that boggles me. am i both, neither, or either? this sounds terribly familiar, like a script from the joy luck club enacted in real life. american or chinese? LMAO. XD

false lasting impressions.

at world's end.

2007-04-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

the final bpco performance for the sec4s.

was extremely memorable. there was heavy showers in the afternoon, so there was a possiblity that the performance was called off. they decided to get us to the venue first before we made any decision.

the band and us alighted at the void deck near the fest. it was still raining cats and dogs however. the members had assumed that there would be no need for us to grace the occasion (LOLS. like we're VIPs) . turned out the other way round.

the chairs initially provided to us were dripping with rainwater so we had to dab at the droplets with the pathetically thin pieces of kleenex. we wasted quite an amt of time doing that and settling down.

after which, we went through the two syf pieces. the vip came around after that so we had to perform the songs again. someone came in the middle and spoilt my mood. on the other hand, it brightened up someone else's . brrrrrr.

the mp shook hands with some of us. i was like o.O when he wanted to shake mine, but ohwells.

TIREDDDD.
and im soo sick that i cant find the energy to search for vocab.
so i'll just list down the things happening.

english test x2
bpco buffet.
free meal thanks for bochao. XD im a good senior.
my new erhuuu. ^^
sports day = slack day.
opera soundtrack?

the end of the road.

one last.

2007-04-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

it wasnt as much a letdown as it was two years back. this time, id more or less expected the results but it was still a blow when they announced our results.

there wasnt much tears, at least on my side. i think the seniors had shared the same sentiments as me and already prepared themselves mentally for the outcome. besides, jianhun was a song which we had mastered 2 years back, so it wasnt as tiresome and toiling as it was trying to master it.

"at least we had maintained our standard", that's what our seniors had mentioned when they got wind of the news. i wonder what was going through their minds when they heard? disappointment? nonchalance? we'll never know.

im positive we let a couple of people down. for example, our co teachers, ms kong, mr phang and ms qin. most of all, our conductor and instructors. it wasnt their fault that we ended up with a bloody silver. i honestly admit that the problem lies with us. we lacked technique and expression, failing to inject our feelings into our playing.

BUT i must say that the swaying was superb. awkward perhaps, but it showed our mischeivous side that was probably masked otherwise by the way we carried ourselves.

i hope no one gets sacked because of this. i mean, bpco is what it is today because of its people and the music we play. having one less person would cause bpco to lose its flavour entirely. and i absolutely adore shenshen to bits. you really cant find anyone like him elsewhere but hERE! and bbss and khco of course, but nevertheless, i hope he'll be able to stay with us for as long as possible. i admit it sounds selfish, but I CANT HELP IT!

the silver is like a taboo word among us now. ok, for me perhaps. when ms chiang mentioned ag in chem class, i was sorely reminded of our disappointing syf that proved to be as disheartening as ever.

i feel so hollow inside. i recall two years back, when we got a silver, i was furious at how life went on like nothing had happened. i was THAT outraged. it was like a key point of my life then and i had a goal for once. it saddened me and i became disillusioned because of that. i recall we had cried our hearts out then. the gold that was within our grasp had just slipped right through.

enough of the saddening speech.

im soo looking forward to the buffet they promised us. perhaps its the last co event i'll attend for a long long time.

this saturday is the sec4s last performance. let's make it a memorable one, shall we?

this is the last time.

SYF results.

2007-04-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

it's a silver.

sway!

2007-04-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the day.

after four months of arduous practices and training, im certain that all of us are tiresome of the two syf pieces and want to get everything over and done with.

i thought i would just treat this like some normal performance as usual but somehow, im having butterflies in my stomach. this makes me feel like i was back at two years ago, only that im the senior now.

i dont have high expectations for our co because im sure the seniors have already gauged our standards. but what the heck, its not wrong to dream. for you never know when lady luck might smile upon us and grant us our wish. dreams do come true in real life.

ohwells, im definitely not like the girl who was none the wiser two years ago. however, my pessismism shall not triumph over the shoot of hope that is growing.

all i know is i want us to do the best of our abilities. no one except us will remember the heart and soul we put into our music (though i doubt we did put enough) , so why not leave behind a legacy for the juniors and a indelible memory that all of us shall keep close to our hearts?

regrets are for people who didnt strive hard enough. lets just keep it that way. dont let our hard work go down the bloody drain (which has happened too frequently).

when all's done, we wait.
and then, we leave things to fate.

p.s. give a pat on the shoulder of any co members. we really need all the encouragement we can get.
:)

sway! for all you're worth.

mollycoddling.

2007-03-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

i sorta forgot how much i missed my jifeng mates until today. though i was extremely unpunctual (5+++++) today and songsheng saw me walk off with xinyi after co. bleahs and i didnt clarify to him what happened. could going swimming stand as an excuse?

this is one disadvantage of having your school, and home, and jifeng all situated in the vicinity.

didnt have time to talk to everyone because i was late and fubi couldnt make it. next week perhaps, after the performance which i had absolutely no knowledge of until recently. >.<

and i want my letter for the CIP hours la. HMPH!

*****
she was making a nuisance out of herself today AS USUAL. when will she learn to keep her trap shut? i hope she finds a guy who will really be able to tame her and not just spoil her and give in to her demands. there's already more than enough of them here who can do that. i cant stand the mollycoddling la. if not, shes gonna climb all over his head and make his life hell.

but i want to see the drama that unfolds when the time comes. count me in for the class reunion 10 years later. XD

seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by.
phantom ships, lost at sea.
and one of them is mine.

unrequited.

2007-03-29T22:57:00.000+08:00

is all that giving without reciprocation worth it?

i see people do everything and anything within their abilities in exchange for a mere smile or attention of the object of their affection. even so, the admired may not even be aware of what great lengths the admirers went to just to cheer him/her up.

once, i thought that such selfless contribution was the most romantic and noble act one can do. however, now that i see how its like in real life, it becomes the cruelest deed.

you're just keeping yourself from moving onto the next phase of life. there may be someone else more worthy of your affection and devotion. besides, your emotions are just being treated like a worthless pile of trash. its evident that your feelings for her will never be reciprocated. has your 'ardor' for her become a pillar of support to allow you to endure her never-ending act of making eyes at others? all those are not just harmless flirtation. one tends to lead to another and it gets worse and worse. Stop deluding yourself into thinking its gonna be alright in the long run.

she has already taken you for granted. you just become the one she turns to when she cant find anyone else. is being a reserve what you want to be?

***********
got off the tangent. had just planned to make some general comments but ended up getting too agitated.

ohwells. napfa 5 items was today. as long as the 1cm allowance is given for my standing broad jump to pass, i think i secured a pass. YAYS!! but seriously, if it werent for that, id get a silver but who cares? a non-athletic person like me can definitely make do and be content with this.

however, there'll always be people who is unsatisfied with their results and waste the time away complaing and grumbling about that. well, i wldnt be complaining if i had those results.

but alas! life is unfair. i was born with absolutely no talent in that area whatsoever.

man, my muscle aches.

back here

2007-03-27T18:47:00.000+08:00

maybe that's just what it signifies. if you never try, you never know.

one overwhelming regret is that i learnt this lesson one year too late.

***********

targets.

i dont even have one for goodness sakes. seeing everyone else seeming to have their own goal to strive for, it makes me feel a tad guilty and a whole lot more useless.

inept. hopeless. worthless.

it jolts me sometimes to realise that my opinion of myself has sunk to the pits. any wakeup call i suppose.

*********

was there really need for such vulgar language? expletives were totally redundant in a situation like that. its a class blog for goodness' sakes.

*********

and please! i dont have a bloody name for nothing. im JOAN. not someone you tell to just go away. please be more polite in your speech. or not im gonna start make your life hell. besides, you just go there to find girls to flirt, not practice. i suggest you just take your bloody instrument somewhere else and do something more productive.

it isnt love, it's robbery.

betrayal.

2007-03-24T20:32:00.000+08:00

i somehow have this hunch that ive just been backstabbed.

it seems that i cant shake off this sense of foreboding. maybe im just being paranoid but... it's really getting to me. once the seed of doubt takes root in my mind, its impossible to strangle it.

*******

newspaper collection.
kbox.
debts.
homework.
tests.
napfa.
monday blues.
cme project.

am too fatigued to further elaborate. so i shall just list down upcoming and ongoing events.

perfidy

odium.

2007-03-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

finally, some well-deserved peace and quiet.

there was co today as usual and we got a surprise visit from some visitor. everyone had to be held back until 5.30. ohwells, at least there's no test tomorrow. i've already studied for 4 tests that were all postphoned til next week.

GRR. how worse can things get?

well, its about to get MUCH worse.

napfa is next week too. GIVE ME ANY TEST BUT THAT. its evident that ive not an athletic cell in me. besides, i have an intense aversion to napfa.

napfa = public degradation and im not kidding.

and there's a possiblity of having co on saturday. if there is, the tranquility and serenity ive been enjoying immensely will end. the very thought of it spoils my mood. :(

*******

the distance grows.
and the tension mounts.
smiles turn into frowns.
the commotion dies down.

eyes lose their glow.
and my hands get cold.
tears run out of control.
the heart is no longer whole.

solitude always comes hand in hand with quietude, i guess.

obtrusive

2007-03-21T17:47:00.000+08:00

this is the 200th posT! =)

sometimes i do things i dont mean. and i cant seem to find the right words to say in order to salvage the situation. i don the coat of nonchalance and seek my comfort there.

im extremely apologetic for what i did! even if you say it doesnt matter or that im just being paranoid, i feel it demands an apology.

**************

my off-pitch problem is much better now. however, im just as diffident as i was of yesterday.

went for co with xinyi and grace after chem remedial. though itd be much better had i just left. sheesh. we came after the remedial but still we were stared at as though we were just freaks on display.

efface the memory of time from my mind.

horrendous

2007-03-20T19:03:00.000+08:00

why does things go awry whenever i look forward to them?

my pitch was completely off today. ARGHHHHH. or maybe its just that i started paying attention to my pitch and its been that way since eons ago?

screw it.

oh btw. we have co practice daily now. i cant say that im peeved, but that feeling of being inferior is gonna haunt me for much longer now. i dont seem to be myself during co practices, that's all i can say.

all i want to do now is to ascertain that my off-pitch problem is only temporary.

********

am harbouring thoughts of deserting this blog until after the exams. maybe it'll happen, maybe not. blogging makes me feel like i am at least adept at something except failing. its probably because i am satisfied when ive managed to convey my views and emotions successfully. this is not the case when i try to do so through speech. im more or less fairly sick of stuttering and stammering when the words i want to use are already swimming in my head. why the heck cant i just manage to voice things out like how i write? since i cant do so, thats why i shall choose to remain silent.

maybe that's also what i need. something for me to focus on before my distracted mind runs too far away for me to pay attention.

*******

you were the one who didn want to ask. so why should i go look for you? tch.

learning to breathe

2007-03-19T18:36:00.000+08:00

15 days to syf.

but only 7 days left to napfa. bloody hell. why cant they just abolish this whole physical test that's meant to humiliate and disgrace?

**********

i got fatigued. its hopeless trying to pretend that everything's just the way they are. its difficult to keep on smiling when there's no reason for me to.

everything's moving so swiftly that they're all a blur. something inside me wants me to just call it a day.

flee. proabably a more appropriate word. however, how does one ever manage to escape the claws of such a life?

furthermore, when im burdenless, what do i intend to do?

one yearns to be free but oft when it is accomplished, one tends to be at a loss of what to do.

**********

i think all those emotions were probably a result from the bloody progress report. 4b4s. CRAP. my l1r5 is like 14. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED WHEN I CAME TO THIS SCHOOL.

chem is understandable. evidently, i never revised for any of the quizzes.

what infuriated me was that someone still has the nerve to rub it in by saying she didn study for them at all. ok fine. as if i'd take your word for it. if you didn study, then everyone woulda failed. and that's not all. the last straw was how she complained how horrendous and appalling her grades were. take a look at mine before you open your trap. and learn how to observe people's moods. my face was already so dour.

ARGH. my grades are sliding. i needa pull up my socks. remind me that i still have to best him. this kind of grades wont do.

ohwells im off to study for bio test. i absolutely adore bio now. mdm quek is terribly endearing.

im learning to breathe on my own.

its all in the mind.

2007-03-15T19:06:00.000+08:00

today was the bukit view student care thing. overslept seriously and had to flag down a taxi. the exasperating thing was that the taxi driver ripped me off and drove around in circles and even stopped while i was asking kaylee about the venue of the place. the bloody fare was like 7bucks! had i known where exactly i was going, i wlda kicked the taxi car after i alighted. why do i always seem to have such bad fortune?

the experience there was fabulous! people there were just kaylee, meijin, harvin and me. the kids are extremely friendly and they dont really get scared of strangers. i remember samuel and his gay antics of dancing and posing. the eldest there yet so child-like.

then there was afiq and his earth-shattering words. i had tickled him and taken him unawares whilst he was sprawled on the mat.

after that, he told me to 'Do me again.'

OMG. boy, if only he knew what he was saying.

the kids are unruly and rowdy if you let them climb over your head. and i saw some cat fights as well as some childish trades. i even had to use that 'pinky swear' method to make sure one kid didn break his promise to lend alene the correction fluid and alene to return his assessment book.

the lunch was rather appetizing and we had to help out with the distribution of food and the cleaning up of dishes. (HEHS. im really working hard to improve myself)

kaylee had a distant cousin here and he, davin, spent the whole day telling everyone that kaylee was his distant cousin. wows. when i asked him if he was overdoing it, he actually said, 'not alot mah. i havent told you yet leh.' LMFAO

oh yeas. simin tried to mislead me into thinking that she's siliang and her brother, who was also there, was simin. i really thought she was siliang but that only lasted until she said her brother was simin. OH C'MON, thats a ruse through and through.

jerome was soo adorable with his two front teeth missing. if i wanted a little little brother, he'll be it.

alene was one example of a kid that took things overboard and kept calling me to sit beside her.
i bet she'd be some fearsome character in future. she didnt give a thought to bashing guys up as well as jerking me when i was helping some other kid with his homework. and i tell you, her blows are not exactly those weak ones little kids have.

the timetable thing was quite troublesome. had to aid the kids and test them the multiples of four. kaijun quickly mastered it and constantly wanted me to test him when i was helping the others. quick learner, that kid.

there was some cat fight between ellisa and xiao xi over me (!) like how xiaoxi was keeping me to herself. jk la. i think xiaoxi got abit too clingy and ellisa got fed up. ellisa is those type of little miss perfect and xiaoxi is like vulnerable but wilful. she became teary-eyed when her forehead had a lil depression made from sleeping on the tabletop for too long. but they made up soon after. so cute la they both. its like those 'i dont friend you' and they walk away in a huff. after a few moments, they're engrossed in the project work and behaving like they're bestest pals. so unlike us.

great experience overall. would like to go again if i could.

19 days to syf.

FATIGUED

2007-03-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

today was splendid!

i didn get the tan i wanted so im left with that hideous obs one. goshh.. what the heck am i gonna do for syf. sleeveless top somemore. bahhs. i'll just find another way.

oh yeas. happy birthday shyna!

it totally rocked. though we (fubi, wylin, zhiwei, shyna and me) just spent some moments in the water and the rest in the showers or waiting for our turn there. we were extremely exuberant and enthusiastic then.

zhiwei kept going on about the 'my dear' thing. and fubi was uber high with her frequent giggles. then the experience at build-a-bear was superb. however, the song they were playing there got alil frustrating and the kiddy ways they had for making the soft toy. for example, you'd have to rub some heart and make a wish before they stuff the heart into the plushie. i gotta say, if i were a kid, i'd be so ecstatic and thrilled there. its a kids paradise.

the chicken rice was not bad. but i coulda fared as well if we just went to some cheaper fast food joint. i need to save up for my phone!

oh yeas. i'll start from the beginning. zhiwei and i were kept waiting in the beginning because everyone else hadnt reached yet and we stayed in vivo for some fan tuan (what's the name in english?). it's scrumptious but it just crumbled into pieces when we tried to eat it. i bet we were tremedously unsightly while we ate the food.

then we went out to wait and poor fubi didnt bring her phone so she thought we had gone off without her. shyna and wylin were particularly tardy and we arrived at sentosa at about 3pm.

when we finally got a place on palawan beach, shyna and wylin went to change, so we thought to get the cake and candles ready. however, things did not go as smooth as we and when they returned, we were still trying to light the candles. arghs. the wind was too gusty. then we did the thing of singing the song and cutting the cake.

after which, we went into the water. the salt stung and i had difficulty trying to wipe my eyes free of the salt. played monkey with the bottle cap we found and a couple of other stuff.

we got up and zhiwei and i went to shower. after us, it was wylin and the rest's turn. left for vivo afterwards because of the light drizzle.

**************

im a lil indignant about what i heard he said about us. so any girl who doesnt fawn over you and gets weak-kneeed when they're near you is a *****. it gnashes my teeth to know that such trash exists in this world. that's just a bloody assumption ok. please cast your judgement when you are more familiar with us. what bad influence? dont just think that they're substandard or any inferior than your company of friends. it seems like your clique of friends are not any better. what matters is CHARCTER. TEMPERAMENT. DISPOSITION. PERSONALITY.

im going to show you. i'll get better results than you and become much more refined and that you'll have no choice but to be contrite. i want you to grovel at my feet when that happens.

note that im using less often used vocabulary in my blog posts. im gonna make the effort and hopefully it bears fruit.

it just dawned on me the lengthiness of the post.
20 days to syf.

it's gonna be real

2007-03-13T11:26:00.000+08:00

got some feedback that some people cannot access my blog everytime. sometimes it works but sometimes it backfires. hehs. use firefox la. its faster than IE.

today theres lesson and co. bahs. one afternoon gone. i think they want to measure our measurements for the uniform. i hope its just the size. not the exact measurements. and when is co today? nevermind i'll go ask some people.

22 days to syf.

and we have napfa test before it. STINKS.

miss you loads.

2007-03-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep.
i just can't breathe.
when your shadow is all over me.

BAH.

homework.

2007-03-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

its the holidays!

though brief as it may be, it gives me time to catch up on my homework.

the good news is im getting sick of the computer. so i've already started on my homework. plan to finish chinese and a bit of history today.

amaths.
literature essay.
bio ws.
physics practical and ws.
eng newspaper articles.
chinese.
history essay.
~~emaths.~~
chem test.
bio test.
emaths test.

7 days left.

stick figures.

2007-03-10T21:12:00.000+08:00

in reference to the entry on records, i've received requests to include some other candidates as well as make some amendments.

shuaiest guy in jifeng: SHEN LAO SHI!!

prettiest guy: miss lan huei huei (aka mr ong)

=P

pop! like a balloon

2007-03-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

i dont get it, why how some people seem to have it better than others.

i really blew up today. but why cant i just stand up to that person?

**************

it's so bloody unfair. in terms of experience, i have more than her. in terms of character, she fades in comparison to me. and she gets all the bloody credit and i have to bear all the embarrassment and humiliation.

what do i receive in return for that effort? NIL. ZILCH. NOTHING.

and i feel so inferior.

sometimes i think.
i should be there.
it shouldn turn out like this.

suddenly, i feel so exhausted. i want to switch. however, to do so would be to concede defeat and admitting that im indeed not as good as her. its not true is it?

doubt sinks in and melts away all my certainty and confidence. i become vulnerable, so exposed.

and its ironic that she doesnt know a thing when i feel like im in an inferno whenever shes around.

SYF REHEARSAL.

2007-03-07T20:48:00.000+08:00

today's rehearsal wasnt that bad. better than i expected anyways. seniors came back, even those very very long ago batches. ohmygod.

dont like intruders at all. but we can't help it, can we?

even if we do get something, perhaps the feeling wont be the same. however, it seems like the hope of getting something glorifying is minuscule.

much as i want to just show that we arent as trashy as others think us to be, we cant do that without any evidence to support it. sick of being compared and losing.

we're already improving from that muck we were last year and it's applaudable. but what counts is whether the effort is enough. no one gives a hoot about whatever trials and tribulations we encountered to achieve our goal: all that matters is the final performance.

if we make fools out of ourselves on stage, that's it.

we need to wake up; 'metaphorically and literally' ( direct quote ). its not one of those performances that we give to the visitors that pay visits every so often now that we've changed campus.

THIS IS IT.

the seniors, not me included, are putting their heart and soul into making this a success. please dont be a wet blanket and disappoint them. i tell you, we'll be the ones to cry if we cant get anything. imagine all that effort going down the drain. gosh.

this is the final stretch. its easy to slow down, but like running, im sure you all have an idea of how hard it gets to start running after slowing down to a walk. itd be much harder to get back on track should we lose track of what we came all the way to accomplish.

*****************

you really should get me to do more of this talks. i like to ~~crap~~ inspire.

and when is the bloody fire evacuation drill? i want to skip my lessons la.

time runs.

2007-03-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the day of the reheasal.

and i have alot of grievances to address. but here's not the place for it.

zhonghu ppl better buck up. though i doubt their standard is lower than the erhu ppl. however, zhonghu players are supposed to be better than the others which they aren't showing right now.

its aggravating how time is running out and theres still so much for them to brush up.

tomorrow had better work out. and im gonna grind and bear with it if its what it takes not to just blow up at her.

time won't and will never tell.

GIVE up.

2007-03-02T19:45:00.000+08:00

as usual, i have alot of stuff to post.
but i cant seem to find the words.

EXHAUSTED. it's always the case when i come back from co practices. they really give you headaches. its so intense nowadays and i cant help but go into the mood.

got the olvls timetaBle today. turns out hmt is the last paper, and it's six days from the previous paper. man, im totally gonna be in a holiday mood by the time it's the paper.

then we're gonna have some co music exchange trip to m'sia in june. then there's the soundtrack thing to consider. at least we're not performing. i think. missed the meeting. grrs.

theres the career fair at suntec ytd and i found myself considering if i want to continue my studies in another country. so many choices to choose from and singapore's environment and education system pales in comparison to other countries like canada.

arashi!

records.

2007-02-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

if we were to have guinness book of records for the class, i wonder how what would it be like?

fastest person to blush would probably be either simin or thanh.

loudest persons in class would be siying, yihfang and kaiwei.

most hardworking student would be won by jiali hands down (i used one idiom frm today's lesson!)

wahahs. we should really start one for the class.

********************

for jifeng, i can come with alot of other records.

the most handsome guy in kh would be leeyao. (DUH!)

wangqing would be the prettiest girl there.

shyest girl would definitely be SHYna!

and the list goes on...

even the wrong words seem to rhyme.

2007-02-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

"Collide"

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

instead of moving on...

2007-02-27T18:26:00.000+08:00

there's something i REALLY need to get off my chest.

SO WHAT if you're more senior than them?

SO WHAT if you're more familiar with the songs?

SO WHAT if you're more skilled with your instrument?

i dont give a fig about it.

you dont have the right to call them failures and right in front of them somemores.

and to think that you're a girl. you hardly possess the qualities that make one. sensitivity was completely lacking in what you did.

and i havent got to saying how maturity was absent in your thoughtless action. do you even have the faintest idea what impact that one sentence had on my juniors?

you're not from this section and you're completely ignorant of the situation here. so just keep your trap shut.

if you really have nothing else better to do, practise your own instrument.

THINK before you act.

******************

bakabaka! if people would only see the big picture... im trying to okay.

when you've lost the only light you had to guide you,
and you're cold and barely breathing,
I will find you.

goals.

2007-02-26T20:44:00.000+08:00

im still far from perfect i know.

blahs.

if only there was some realistic target that would get me to buck up.

not to score 9 a1s or something along the lines of becoming a socialite overnight or to get myself attached (BAH). brushing up my erhu skills is simply unaccountable since i've barely even time to do my timed practices, which is probably why ive not practised any jifeng song ever since school started.

maybe i'll become the ultimate matsujun fan, but that's rubbish.

sheesh. what on earth am i good at?

right back in the water

2007-02-25T14:11:00.000+08:00

since your opinion of me is so low, should i just live up to your expectations?

it's so easy to just let things be.
yet so hard to watch it fall apart.

far from wonderful

2007-02-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

"Wonderful World"

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

tourniquet

2007-02-22T17:37:00.000+08:00

Evanescence :: tourniquet

i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

i thought i'd never like this song but seems like im addicted to it. just a tad uncomfortable with the references to blood and death.

insanity

2007-02-22T16:04:00.000+08:00

and what else can i do but to pretend that everything's just the same as it was?

help.

give me a reason to smile

2007-02-21T22:54:00.000+08:00

after a week of inactiveness, im back.

no use thinking whether someone will notice if i just disappear from the face of the earth without leaving any trace behind. my throbbing headache would get even worse. besides, the saddening thought would scarcely help to lift my spirits.

life just goes on. the world keeps revolving even if your world falls apart. so what's the use of lamenting anyways. it's a major waste of time and effort.

in another of those moods again i guess. spewing nonsense like its nobody's business. all these jumbled up emotions keep pouring out of me and it's impossibly hard to sort them out.

**************

look at the big picture i keep telling myself. and i often fail to do so, which keeps getting on my nerves and then i will lose my temper. then i will tell myself to look at big picture again. this cycle goes on and on...

bugger.

**************

unsatisfaction with one's current state of life. that's what im feeling at this point of time. where do i want to go? what do i want to be? what is all these studying for?

the daily routine i have is now getting to me. eat sleep school homework internet. but what can i do? bahhs.

heaven has been away too long.

BOOM.

2007-02-12T17:43:00.000+08:00

if i have to switch, please tell me soon. bleaghs. i want to practise the things i ought to practise.

to think i'd have to revert to zhonghu after two years. mayhaps a good ending, maybe not. at least i wouldnt have to waste more time and effort teaching those three juniors. they arent exactly the nicest ppl to teach.

**************

and why the hell does she keep copying me? WTF.

first this, then that. now im afeard to do things that i normally do. which sounds so lame, but is really true.

fie you.

STOP COMPLAINING.

2007-02-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

BLOODY HELL.

why can't they just get their act together. if you all just put some effort instead of grumbling abt not accustomed to it.

suddenly jifeng becomes somewhere i look forward to going to everyweek.

anything besides that inferno.

and i hate you so.

ARGH

2007-02-06T20:34:00.000+08:00

co test nxt week.

goodness im not gonna be tested. instead, i'll be in the panel of judges! and im writing the band descriptors for zhonghu, which shouldn't be so tough. what worries me is whether the zhonghu ppl will pass. i pray that they dont come to my group. if not, it'd be difficult to give a grade.

**************

and today, was another day for torture. practicals all in one morning. do they want to kill us?

then the lifeskills workshop wasnt all that enjoyable.

then im stuck in this predicament in which out of a whole week, 6 days will be ruined because of the trilfing.

the pain is calling, oh mandy.

so i hold you close.

2007-02-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

for me, the first thing i'd want to accomplish when im in a completely foreign environment is to feel the sense of belonging.

that is probably why i shall always identify myself as a gaohuian in bpco. but not just a gaohu player. that period of time two years ago was arduous, but now the memory brings back bittersweet feelings. especially as i see how things have changed: the people and the orchestra.

that moment we shared was absolutely flawless and timeless. and i'd never change anything if given a choice. all i wish i did was to take a picture of us at that point of time, crying and laughing at the same time.

and all i have left from that magical moment is a miserable ring.

************

looks like i've gone off the tangent. those memories shdn be uncovered. they just made me more depressed with my current state.

we grew up fast in a few short years
and we littered the path with the tracks of our tears
but we carved our names in the proverbial wall
and nothing much else really matters at all

WISH

2007-02-05T15:39:00.000+08:00

20 minutes left to gaohu lesson.

before i go, let me just briefly say what happened today. i finally found someone who actually watches what i introduce to them.

HYD~!

wahahas. and vivien and i have exactly the same tastes. we both think everyone in f4 is shuai except for akira. wooooots!

then i found out the bleach opening song for taiwan is fahrenheit's song. erms, ok. i'll give my opinion after i've listened to the song.

10 minutes left. bye

but you gotta let him go and i know that you agree.

smile like you mean it.

2007-02-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

yesterday's jifeng practice came like rain to the thirsty ground. after 4 days of bpco, it's no wonder that i'd start missing those mates from jifeng.

it's great that we have people like fangqi and jiaxuan around. had a great time making faces at fangqi. brings out the kid in me, that guy. jiaxuan is adorably funny too.

sectionals was enjoyable. we were so hyper at that time. besides, it's only once in a week that i can manage to forget about that presence and laugh like i've never done for a long long time.

****************

let's learn a new word: trilf

credits to *ynahs for that sentence. ;)

i feel evil today. muahahas

***************

olvls chinese results out this upcoming week! GAH

week

2007-02-02T17:40:00.000+08:00

now for my weekly overdose. one day without blogging makes me feel so uncomfortable. can't help it, the lit essay was quite a killer.

today's co practice was much much more improved from last time. more comfortable too, cos kaylee was on the other side so i didn get much chance to feel alone. which is a good thing. you don't want to know if i do.

can't seem to find much things to say today. oddly, im at a loss of words.

ohyeas. i want to kick both their asses now.

slipped away

2007-01-31T16:22:00.000+08:00

friends make a world of difference.

there you go
somewhere I can't bring you back
somewhere you're not coming back

flavor of life

2007-01-30T18:36:00.000+08:00

for some reason, i dread going to co practices.

i just want to remain a nameless person who can practice in peace. i don't mind if i'm all alone. just give me some space and i'll be content.

i've given up hoping.

*********

unlucky enough, i had my impromptu public speaking in class today. the last one in fact, and i thought i could avoid until mr ng returns next next week. i didnt even explore the things i wanted to say. man, it sucked. if only i had that one on my ideal wedding.

today's ss lesson was utterly enjoyable. im a good teacher. =P

some secrets are meant to be told.

Utada Hikaru - Flavor of Life

For some reason it’s painful when you say “Thank You”
The unbreakable magic after “good bye” is weakly bittersweet
The Flavor of life

Not friends, but not lovers, we’re inbetween
I’m dreaming of the day of the harvest of fresh fruit
Why is it so vexing?

For some reason it’s painful when you say “Thank you”
The unbreakable magic after “good bye” is weakly bittersweet
The flavor of life

Words of invatation that are simply sweet are a sensationless poison
My interest is not peaked by things like that
Life isn’t something that you throw away
When things don’t go your way

When I’m suddenly asked “what’s wrong?” is just say “no, nothing”
The smiling face that disappears after “good bye” isn’t like me
The more i wish that I want to believe, the more painful it is
It’s more like you to say “I like you” more than “I love you”
The flavor of life

When you suddenly remember people you were about to forget
I honestly want to be happy when I think of the whiteness of the snow that builds up

More than diamonds, I want a soft, warm future
I want to spend my limited time with you
For some reason it’s painful when you say “Thank you”
The unbreakable magic after “good bye” is weakly bittersweet
The flavor of life

unspent angst.

2007-01-29T17:26:00.000+08:00

this unhealthy habit of blogging daily is becoming an uncontrollable addiction.
but i just can't seem to keep all those thoughts bottled up inside me.

since this is like a substitute for a journal for me, it's inevitable for me to drop some hints on some stuff so that i'll be able to know who or what exactly i was talking about when i scan through these entries several years perhaps decades later. but i doubt it'll be too obvious.

okay, a message for me if i do attempt to read through the entries ever again, mayhap two years later or twenty years past:

have you accomplished all you've started out to do?

how is that guy i used to adore to bits when i was 16?

how is that girl i despised to my very core then?

have i found the career that i never thought i'd never have?

am i still at khco? has my skills improved that much for me to attempt a solo performance? (this is highly unlikely, but oh wells, it doesn't hurt to dream alil bit. )

am i married to that guy of my dreams, and also,

have i found the very reason i go through hell each day for?

***********************

after such an insightful post, let's revert back to something my 16 year old self would normally do.

THAT GIRL.

before i resort to punches and smash her face into unrecognizable pieces in my mind, i believe i have the very right to at least state my reasons for such a primal and barbaric urge.

i mean, does she live to make everyone's lives difficult?

self-centered wretch. if you'd have spared a thought for anyone except yourself, my life and everyone's would be soo much better.

and you are the perfect real-life example of a character we're studying for literature for you exhibit one particular characteristic of his so perfectly well that everytime i think of you, his name automatically pops inside my head.

sheesh. and she's not the person you're thinking of. there's just too many people of the same kind roaming on earth, causing destruction to ppl's lives at their whim.

************************

it's been quite a while since i've felt alone now. i thought that feeling would never resurface again, but it always proved me wrong. ohwells, it's either i become more sociable or get a new mp3 to banish that feeling of loneliness when i'm walking alone. the latter is more likely to happen.

the depressing truth slaps my face, leaving a stinging feel that lingers. that's probably how i'd describe how i feel in a piece of assessed work.

to put it briefly, it SUCKS BIG TIME!

sighs. my volatile temper won't get me anywhere. so you see why i have to find an outlet to vent all this unspent frustration and aggravation. bahhs.

********************
blaghs. blogged excessively. i lost. for now, anyways

p.s. tag please . T.T it's been dead for who-knows-when.

the unbreakable magic after goodbye is weakly bittersweet.

two more.

2007-01-26T18:44:00.000+08:00

omfg.

another addition to the overflowing basket of rotten apples.

i can't help but hear things about them, and they're not rumours mind you. they're truths every bit of it.

and i've seen enough of such jerks to last me for quite a while.

***************

wows. from things i've heard from shermain, i gather that jc life is very much different and exciting. her life, in particular.

i bet she'd be occupied for valentine's day. ;)

i decided to let go.
what's wrong with that?